How Does People Pleasing Negatively Affect Your Life?
People-pleasing generally goes beyond simple kindness, it’s about »editing« or »altering« words and behaviors for the sake of another person’s feelings or reactions. For many women, people-pleasing is a natural habit that they have grown up with.
We may all struggle with this, but at some point, we need to learn how to say no!
Many of us as women identify ourselves as people pleasers. We think that´s just our personality trait or our character. But nothing could be further from the truth.
[LIVE SESSION REPLAY] People pleasing can be changed
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Recognize the signs that you´re a people pleaser
Do you feel like this?
You feel responsible for how other people feel
You feel responsible for how other people feel. You feel responsible for how your husband feels. You feel responsible for how your friends feel. You are not responsible for anybody else’s feelings.
You pretend to agree with everyone
Are you the one who agrees with everybody, just to keep the peace? You pretend to agree and you go along with it, even though you don’t want to, or know that is not right.
You feel uncomfortable if someone is disappointed in you
You are struggling to accept your body
Women’s relentless pursuit of the thin ideal and their unwillingness to accept their own bodies been going on for ages. We have been so grounded in the socialization that we need to be »good girls«, please people, and meet society’s expectations to be beautiful and thin.
People can pressure you into doing things
You’ll do whatever it takes to keep the peace
You’ll do whatever it takes to keep the peace, to get along, to make sure everybody feels okay, and to make sure everybody’s comfortable.
You are constantly apologizing
You are always apologizing for being not good enough, not being on time, not doing enough, not pleasing people enough, and making sure that everybody else is happy.
The Process of Unlearning
The process of unlearning is a way to heal from pleasing.
It´s about saying no to other people’s opinions, and realize that they are just opinions. And it means saying yes to what you think you should do. And do it because you want to, not because somebody else is telling you to do it.
As you learn to say no to other people’s expectations, other people’s comments, and pressures, you can learn to listen to yourself.
The process of unlearning requires you to accept yourself as you are in the state you’re in, and prioritize your own opinion of yourself, over other people’s opinions.
The steps on how to start valuing your opinion again
The change has to come from the inside.
1.) Know that is not your fault
You were not born a people pleaser, you were socialized into being one.
2.) You don´t cause other people’s feelings
You have to understand, that we are responsible for the way we feel. »We« create our feelings, no one else. You cannot cause other people’s feelings and stop believing the lie that other people can cause your feelings.
3.) Take responsibility for your own emotions
It’s one of the most liberating experiences you can have. When you realize that you, and you alone cause your feelings. This means that you don’t have to feel bad about what other people think or say. You are the only one who has control of your feelings and your emotions.
4.) Take responsibility for your thoughts
What you think of yourself is what matters. Get control of your thoughts, take dominion over your brain. Start thinking thoughts that will make you feel the way you want to feel.
The important thing is to remember, happiness comes from the inside and it doesn’t matter what anybody else tells you. So stop the people-pleasing journey and get on the» I love myself, I´ll take care of myself, I´ll do what’s right for me« journey. You were not born a people pleaser. You were trained to be a people pleaser and you can untrain yourself.
I hope you’ll join us for more tips on how to get the most out of your life. We’re here every week at the same time.