Re-inventing Yourself: Go Through Chaos and Still Land on Your Feet

These past few years have felt like chaos for many women. The hurricane of covid restrictions and rules has forced many to recreate both their home and work life. Being at home in close contact with family members for long periods of time has in highlighted the stresses and cracks in the relationships. The cultural rules of engagement have changed so much that many are in real culture shock without the skills to handle it. Add in a job change or loss, a parent or loved one passing, a child in crisis, and most women are feeling the struggle of finding firm ground.

All of these are forcing transitions that in many cases were not planned. It is very different when you plan a major change, even when it is a difficult one like divorce. Having your feet knocked out from under you in what seems like someone else’s chaos can make it difficult to land on your feet and thrive.

While I was going through a similar situation a number of years ago, people including counsellors and coaches told me to envision what I wanted. Just create a picture of where you want to end up! The problem was there were too many variables, too many unknowns. I had no control in the situation. I had no clue where I wanted to end up. I was looking at a mountain range with dozens of valleys and treacherous peaks to navigate and couldn’t picture what the end would look like. I didn’t want to be in the upheaval I was in and going back or repairing the present was not possible. But, I didn’t know what I wanted. It wasn’t helpful advice in a major transition!

In the midst of the unknown and the unpredictable, what can you do?

The first step is shore up your sense of self and self-worth.

When you know who you are, you can function in whatever situation you find yourself in. Your self-worth helps you determine and enforce boundaries. Your worth allows you to let criticism and attacks roll off life water off a duck’s back. You can be in the mud and not take things personally.

Secondly, gain the skills and tools to control your mind and energy.

Don’t let useless thoughts roll around in head and defeat you. Use the energy tools to control anxiety and worry. Get skilled at deactivating negative thoughts and reversing beliefs that don’t serve you. On the other hand stay out of the toxic positivity that is thrown around by so many gurus these days.

No, not everything happens for a reason. No, a smile is not the only emotion you are allowed to express. Feel your emotions, recognize and name them. Look at where they came from and allow them to surface without holding onto a story around them. Most difficult emotions are driven by childhood experiences and traumas so examine what old experiences are trying to show up and color the present. Separate the past from the present and stay in the present. Then choose an appropriate response.

Lastly, learn to become the observer of what is, rather than the judge of what should be.

When life blind-sides you, having skills to manage your energy and emotions are critical. Knowing who you are and recognizing your core worth no matter how badly tarnished and in need of polishing, will enable you so choose a path that works for you.

These skills and habits of the mind are all learnable skills that can be developed no matter how rusty or unknown they feel now. It’s time to re-invent yourself which will bring your world into a new orbit and settle into a life in which you can be satisfied and fulfilled.

Mastering the Chaos in your Mind will teach you to strengthen your skills, provide a community of like-minded people to journey together, and help you confidently land on your feet.

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